Letting Go: A Relax Guide for Control Freaks

Guilty!!! Aren’t we all control freaks? I mean, we want to KNOW! We want to know what’s going on, what’s happening next, the answer to the problem… we want to be in control. It’s not easy to just breathe, letting go of the outcome, or trusting that yes, indeed, everything will be okay.

Making Space to Relax

It’s a little hard to relax when there are piles of random objects everywhere and you can’t find anything! Clearing your space (thanks Marie Kondo!), is often the first step in harnessing the control freak inside of you. And, it allows that side of you that wants control, to feel in control. When you can see what you’re working with, life gets a little bit easier. You can find your daughter’s favorite stuffy, you know where your own shoes are, and so you’re able to tackle tougher problems with greater ease. How to? Just begin. Even five minutes of sorting or making a pile to give away is a great start.

Plan Ahead (Days with Nothing to Do!)

That’s right…. plan for nothing! If you’re a control freak, you plan wayyyyy too much. Try this. Schedule two to three days where you are “busy” with absolutely nothing. It’s guaranteed that a few things will pop into that space, but instead of being stressed that they did, you have the time to handle them! In your pre-relaxed life, you would be super stressed and wonder how the heck you’re going to squeeze in six activities into the day. Yet, if you plan ahead for the inevitable to fill your calendar, those additional tasks won’t add more stress to your life (quite as much as they would have before!).

Get the Little Things You Need

You know how sometimes you need to complete something, but you’re missing the one thing you need to do it? Suggestion… go to Walmart, Target or wherever, and just stroll up and down every aisle. Get the light bulb, get the lawn bags, get the snacks, get the hammer, get the folders, get the stamps, get the envelopes, get the twisty ties, get the sports bra… just walking up and down every aisle can help you remember the little things that you need when you’re looking for them and can’t complete something. It’s sometimes hard to remember what’s missing from your home or life, but when you stroll through, you can grab those random little things to make your life easier (and help you relax).

Ask for Help!

Oh geez… the “H” word… if you’re a true control freak, this is the LAST thing you ever want to do. Consequently, it’s the best things you can do for yourself. There are lots of ways to ask for help that don’t impede on your ultimate need for control (I know it’s not ever going to fully go away).

One way is to hire a virtual assistant. Places like Fancy Hands can help you order gifts, do research, schedule appointments, compare prices or deal with customer service. It only costs $30 a month! Another? Try NextDoor.com for contractors, lawn help, painting, and house tasks. It’s all local people in your neighborhood. Sometimes hiring a teen to weed your garden can give a control freak a sense of peace and there’s not really anything they could do to mess it up (too much…). Need to walk your pup, but always tired and want more time with your kids? Rover.com has affordable dog walkers to take that chore off your plate. If you can relax a little bit knowing the job is in good hands, it can affect your life positively!

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Ways to Get Support

There are lots of ways to ask for help, and if you need help with mental health, contacting a counselor is a perfect place to start. Sometimes, trying to control everything can get in the way of your regular day-to-day life and relationships. Asking for help should never be something to be ashamed of. The most successful people have a team of helpful people behind them.

You’ve heard it before, but no (wo)man is an island. We need everyone, and when we open up our hearts to having help in our lives, we can find peace and calm. And when we get there, we have more space for the people and things that make this life truly worth living.

About Soul Song Counseling

Founded by Becca Hart, LPC, Soul Song Counseling is a Denver counseling practice for women going through depression, anxiety, or needing postpartum mental health. Life is tough, but so are you (as the saying goes!). Soul Song Counseling is located in the Denver neighborhood of Wash Park. Need some support? Click here to talk about a complimentary consultation.