“And Some Days, I Cry.”
Motherhood During Coronavirus
(an anonymous guest post)
This post was written by a local Colorado mom of a 7 month old for Soul Song Counseling.
Waking up used to be different. It didn’t used to be waking up to a nightmare every day that is real life. That’s how it feels now. And, it feels like some sort of carbon copy of real life that I keep forgetting isn’t real. I used to plan the weeks around storytimes at the library, mommy and me yoga at the rec center, walks with fellow mamas, and “dates” with my daughter like lunches together while I worked on the computer and she people watched.
Now there are no people to watch, and especially no babies to play with or observe. I wonder how this lack of social interaction will affect her. I try my best to hop on the phone with family members and cousins. And, we sit on the grass at the park and watch families at the lake by my house, so she knows there are others like her.
When I was growing up, one of my favorite movies was: “The Last Unicorn.” It was an animated movie where a unicorn tries to find the others. She had never seen another unicorn. Is this how my baby will feel? Alone? That there are no other babies like her? Will she be emotionally scarred from a lack of play and interaction? Will she be maladjusted because we are home, or in the backyard, or walking the same loop around the same lake, nearly every day? Is she lonely?
Some days I cry just thinking about it.
How can I be a good mother when everything seems to be falling apart? How can I provide her the depth and variety that life has to offer, when we are shut inside without access to activities and social interaction? Again, some days, I cry.
There isn’t much we can do except do our very best, right? Forgiveness is key. Nonjudgment is essential. There’s a song lyric by Robert Hunter that helps me remember things will be okay. “Once in a while, you get shown the light, in the strangest of places if you look at it right.”
If we can find the light in the cracks, find the surprising joys, appreciate the small things, I think we’ll get through this just fine. And so will our babies.
And, it’s okay to cry.
A Note From Becca:
Moms…. And soon-to-be Moms…. Can you relate? If you do, and the sadness has been perpetual, please stop right now and reach out to me. I am here for you and work specifically with moms suffering from anxiety and depression. You can heal, and I am here to be a support. I’m only a phone call away. Click here to make an appointment.