Before getting in depth with this topic, I would like to begin by letting you know how sorry I am for the loss of your little one. Baby loss can happen to anyone, and it has happened to many other women. I understand that you are here for a reason, and are searching for some sort of help. Just know that you are not alone and can always come to me for help. It is in every way right to want to look for this sort of help, never feel ashamed of it.
Why Did I Lose My Baby?
Many women that go through this always have this question going through their minds, especially if they were planning on having the newborn. Why my baby? What did I do wrong?
But you need to always remind yourself that it wasn’t your fault. Many mothers grieve after experiencing a miscarriage. And, there are many things that can cause a miscarriage that are completely out of your control like abnormal chromosomes, medical conditions, and environmental hazards.
Mothers can also lose their babies from abortions, stillbirth and SIDS. No matter your loss, the feelings are intense, and often lifelong, but counseling can help you cope with the heaviness you may be feeling. So can good nutrition and healthy habits. The thing that can help the most though, is forgiving yourself.
Grieving and Lost Pregnancies
Grief is a very difficult emotion. It can be physically painful and overwhelming. If you were anxiously awaiting the birth of your child, or had a baby who died as an infant, the impact is truly immeasurable.
It can feel as if a part of your body is actually missing. You may ask yourself what you did wrong, or what is wrong with you, or how can I ever go back to functioning. It may impact your partner in a very intense way too. You might have no interest in them, or yourself, let alone things like hygiene, your career, friends, or hobbies you used to enjoy.
The world, once in color, could now be gray and blurry. It’s normal to feel this way, yet the hope is you will remember what once brought you joy and find your soul’s song once again. Support is really necessary to get out of this space. Please, please reach out if you are going through this. I am here for you.
How Do I Cope With the Loss of My Baby
Reading stories of mothers who have gone through similar experiences and how they survived can help you cope with your pregnancy or baby loss. You’ll find in nearly every story that mothers went through a very dark time, but came out to find peace again, and even ended up trying to have or having children in their future.
You’ll never replace the child you lost, but if your goal is to be a mother, or add to your family, you can look into that possibility when you are ready. If your loss was a baby meant to complete your family, you may find that your rainbow baby (the baby you have after the death of an infant), would not have been brought into your life.
You may even find that you are stronger emotionally, having gone through what is admittedly one of the most difficult experiences a woman can go through in life.
A Note on Abortion
Mama, you listened to your gut, you did what it told you. There is no shame in having an abortion. You are important too and if you made your decision based on the potential vulnerabilities that your baby may have experienced had you gone through with your pregnancy, then you are an amazing mom.
You protected your child from hardship and pain in life, or an uncertain future. And, you took care of yourself, you did what you needed. This loss is extremely difficult too and causes a lot of guilt for many women. Please forgive yourself. If you need help, please contact me.
Soul Song Counseling Helps You Process Pregnancy Loss & Grief
Located in Denver, CO, Soul Song Counseling was founded by Becca Hart, LPC and specializes in perinatal counseling (therapy during pregnancy and postpartum). She works with women and mothers experiencing depression, anxiety, trauma, and difficulties in life. Through therapy and a process called Brainspotting, clients are able to reprocess the pains they have experienced and find joy again in life and with their families. Becca offers a complimentary 15-minute phone call to see if Soul Song Counseling is right for you. Just click here to start.